Your morning newspaper is now more valuable. Why? Because we just told you so, and when we talk, you listen. Look at the upper right-hand corner of the first page. It now says $1.00 instead of 75 cents. See. More value. Instantly. Today.
What is one mere extra quarter, two bits, in the great scheme of journalism things? Cut back on your Starbucks, you cheapskate caffeine phreaks. News is what matters. Even if it is sometimes “olds,” such as our Page2 celebrity gossip column for Monday morning written on a Friday afternoon because nobody from our Dead (scratch that, Life) department wants to work on the weekend because of SENIORITY!
We cover everything, in and around Berks, better than Starbucks. We reported just this morning on the district attorney's decision regarding the shooting of some kids by a Reading cop. That shooting was justified. Trust the DA. We did not want to rankle his plumage by asking why the cop fired nine times after the children backed their auto toward him, nor how fast the auto was traveling, nor why the cop felt it necessary to fire nine times — BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! (Note to copy chief: Am I repeating myself? Is that nine times? Do we still have a copy chief? Yes. Layoffs coming next month. Check.)
You still can find the weekly Redner’s circular in our Sunday paper. (Hint: You do not want to shop at Giants. They suck. They switched their weekly circular to the Merchandiser. Who wants to read a greasy Merchandiser? You won't find the latest scoopabout the district attorney and the Reading cop shooting there, now would you?)
Our Sunday paper is still a terrific deal, even without that lame-o Giant circular. Your single-copy price only went up to $2.00 from $1.75. See, isn't that a huge savings? We could have raised the price to $3.00, but we did not, because we care about you, our readers!