Write your own instant Donald Trump song or short story or screenplay (yes, you can!)

Here's a fun sandbox you can play in all day.

It's called the Plot Generator, simple enough, and its algorithms let you craft short fiction or songs lyrics, in a variety of styles, in no time flat. Here's what the interface looks like:

After clicking song lyrics generator, I selected summertime song and filled in the text fields. (It's a long list, so a few at the bottom are cut off in this screen grab.)

And here is the result:

Catchy as hell, huh?

Can't wait to get started next on a work of horror fiction.




Jon Gosselin will pump up runners, itching to land a gig with Beats 1 radio

Se what has Berks County's most famous celebrity DJ been up to lately?

Giving back, giving back to the community, because his heart is as wide as all outdoors:

Unanswered questions: Can this be the springboard to Jon Gosselin joining the Beat  1 team at the new Apple Music? Will inveterate runner Kate be in the fashionista field? Will Jon pump her up before during or after the race? Will the TLC crews be there to chronicle the action, perhaps via a drone's-eye view?

One can only wait and wonder.

Kate Gosselin (could be) hopping mad that drones are buzzing her South Heidelberg property

From today's morning paper comes this vague item, because the morning paper is nothing if not vague (but surely experts at posting duplicate datelines):

South Heidelberg Township, Pa. S. HEIDELBERG TWP. - The South Heidelberg Township supervisors have agreed to research a possible ordinance to prohibit the flying of drones above private properties without the permission of owners.

Ronald R. Seaman, township manager, said Thursday that a resident had strongly complained about drone overflights.

Whomever might that resident be? Is there anybody living in those parts who might be victim to paparazzi armed with the latest technology?

Just asking.

Erratum: Casa de la Gosselin is within the borders of Lower Heidelberg, so maybe the pap have hit the wrong property.

Jon Gosselin eyed to star in kookie "Terminator" knockoff

HOLLYWOOD — Spurred on by the dazzling reviews for the new "Terminator" franchise reboot, a major Hollywood producer is locked in deep negotiations to sign Jon Gosselin to topline a satirical spinoff based on the former reality-TV dad's own wacky experiences, a source close to the project reports.

Gosselin will play a has-been celebrity afflicted with a case of the sads because his bitchy ex-wife is still pimping his eight kids on a cable series, according to a leaked copy of the script. A time machine allows the Jon character to travel back to 2003, where he intends to undergo a vasectomy to prevent his ex from getting preggers and thus avert the reality show from ever launching.

Meanwhile, one of the couple's sextuplets also will journey to the past from a point further in the future to attempt to thwart the Jon character's plan, a plan which if it were successful would negate the tup's own birth.

"Parallel timelines, mutiverses, comedy, pathos, revenge — this story has it all," one insider close to the project gushed.

Veteran director Uwe Boll is rumored to be in line to helm the project.

"While the story dynamics would seem to mirror the relationship between Jon and Kate," Bolls aid, "I really view it as more of a parallel with Ben and Jennifer."

Because the title "The Sperminator" already has been appropriated by a porn film, the working title is "The Artificial Inseminator."

A worldwide summer 2016 release is planned.

Jon Gosselin, who can't hold a job, thought he could live in a $290,000 house (guess how that worked out)

Oh, the sadness, the heartbreak!

Washed-up reality-TV dad Jon Gosselin have been keeping his nose clean out recently, plugging away at some credit card company, trying to scrounge some cash from Kate from her upcoming TV appearance.

Then the boom dropped.

Star has the inside skinny:

In December 2013, the dad of eight found the home of his dreams, conveniently located near ex Kate Gosselin’s property where his children permanently reside. At the time, he agreed to the terms of a rent to own lease agreement for the $299,000 property.

“Jon didn’t understand the terms of the contract and broke the lease, thinking he could just rent the property after agreeing to the rent to own the contractual agreement,” a source tells Star. “Evidently, he didn’t understand the terms of the contract.”

Since June, Jon has failed to come up with payments, and bounced multiple checks. He recently claimed he was still working with his bank to come up with a loan to pay back what he owed the owners, and hoped to continue living in the residence. “He acted like he had all this money,” the insider adds. “The owners tried to work with him, and he’d get cocky and claim he could easily pay for the house in cash.”

Added E!:

"The job at the credit card company he was working for didn't pan out. The anticipated income wasn't there and the situation deteriorated."

Jon hasn't (as of now) joined the ranks of funk legend Sly Stone and (the movieland) Richard Gere, but finding a place to park his eight youngsters has proven daunting:

"The saddest part of it is he now has nowhere to take the kids. He's not allowed at the house, so he was taking them to his old apartment. But the new one is too small for eight children. It's heartbreaking."

Heartbreaking indeed.

Cannot another credit-card company cut the poor guy some slack? (M&T? Santander?) And is not tattletale author Robert Hoffman paying Jon any royalties for the book Robert wrote based on scandalous docs leaked by Jon?

I smell another lawsuit brewing.

Until then, throw money. And maybe you should cut down on the smokes, Jon.

Read "The Secret World of Jon and Kate: The Stupidest Story in the History of the Universe and the People Who Covered It" right now on your tablet

Debauchery in Hollywood...everyone is a sex and/or booze addict

From Mark Bailey's raucous “Of All the Gin Joints," out this week:

“H. L. MENCKEN ONCE DECLARED, “I’m ombibulous: I drink every known alcoholic drink and enjoy them all.” A nice sentiment, but John Barrymore put Mencken to shame, such was the breadth of his taste for alcohol. When Barrymore’s second wife broke every bottle in their house, he drank all of her perfume. When he embarked on a 1935 boating trip with their daughter and discovered (once at sea) that the ship had been stripped of booze, he siphoned a pint of the engine’s coolant. Two wives later, he drank a goblet of boric acid intended to soothe his sunburn.”

Mix up one of Alfred Hitchcock's martini recipe — “Five parts gin and a quick glance at a vermouth bottle” — and enjoy.

Did Robert Hoffman exploit the Gosselin children to provide ammo for his new book?

Among the page upon page upon page of new information (three) in the Gosselin book reboot comes these two disturbing tidbits:

Infuriating? Without a doubt.

But just where did author Robert Hoffman get those damning leaks?

Not Kate's pilfered journals, for sure, since the incidents postdate the copies in Hoffman's mitts.

No anonymous nannies nor babysitters are mentioned. And if one were present, Hoffman would have (should have) sourced her.

 So who were the possible eyewitnesses?

Kate and the kids.

One probably can exclude the twins since they are estranged from daddy Jon, who, evidence suggests, provided his buddy Hoffman with a treasure trove of incriminating material to trash his children's mother in a combo revenge and money deal.

So did Robert Hoffman actually egg on children aged nine or ten to rat out their mother:

"How long did mommy lock you out for? Five minutes? Ten minutes?



"And your face was how close to the poopy-doop? Show me how far. Show me how far."


Never mind the unreliability of using children as sources. Consider the moral bankruptcy and hypocrisy.

The Gosselin children were exploited on TV, yes, and they may suffer deep psychological scars as a result. So let's protect them now by trumpeting the intimate details of the corporal punishment they may have endured for all the world to read, including their giggling playmates.